Tomorrow is our second anniversary, and I’m finally getting around to something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. Actually, I’ve wanted to do it since about 1997, when I visited my New Testament professor’s home. He and his wife had their vows hanging up in their kitchen for all to see and for them to remember daily. I thought that was such a neat idea.
Plus, Lawrance and I are making our wedding vows a part of our anniversary. Each year, on our anniversary we repeat them to each other again. So, as I’m digging through my hard drive trying to find them, I also stumbled upon the responsive reading we used in our Taiwanese wedding. Of course in the Taiwanese wedding, we used Chinese, but for my planning purposes, I used English.
I’m not sure where the idea came from–at this point it’s anyone’s guess. We had a few goals with our weddings–one was to stress the idea of a covenant, one was to stress grace, and another was to make Scripture central to everything. So, I compiled verses from the Bible into a responsive reading–I do remember it being too long and having a hard time cutting it down to a reasonable length. Another couple that got married after us had a man and woman take turns reading aloud these verses at their wedding, and that worked beautifully too.
Then the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him. (Gen 2:18)
So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. (Gen 2:21)
And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. (Gen 2:22)
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Gen 2:24)
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. (Prov 18:22)
House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. (Prov 19:4)
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. (Eph 5:22)
For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. (Eph 5:23)
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, (Eph 5:25)
Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (Eph 5:28)
You must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. (Col 3:12)
You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. (Col 3:13)
And the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in perfect harmony. (Col 3:14)
And whatever you do or say, let it be as a representative of the Lord Jesus, all the while giving thanks through him to God the Father. (Col 3:17)
May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else. (1 Thessalonians 3:12)
What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. (Mat 19:6)
Perhaps I’ll ask Lawrance when he gets home whether or not we also want to make reading these scriptures together a part of either our Aug 31st or our March 7th celebrations.
Talking about the topic of “marriage” with students here in Taiwan always makes me just a little bit sad.
Most of of my students–male and female–do not want to get married. They claim they have absolutely no desire to get married. I find this SO hard to believe.
As college students in America, I and my classmates/roommates were all about getting married and there was even the “ring by spring or your money back” saying going around, and we were teased and teased others about getting an “MRS. degree.” (By the way, if that was true, I want my money back.) But, maybe even things in America have changed too . . . I don’t know . . . that was 10 or so years ago after all.
Here are some of the things Taiwanese college students (mostly female) are saying about marriage in my classes:
I don’t believe in love. It’s too good to be true kinda like fairies.
Marriage just ruins dreams.
I don’t want to get married because it just “ma fan” (trouble).
Marriage is the graveyard of love.
I don’t want to get married because of the “shu foo” (shackles) it places on you.
Every time I talk to students about love and marriage, I leave perplexed and saddened. I at least now grasp their arguments, even if I don’t agree. At first I couldn’t even understand their arguments at all.
It’s sad. And even though I’ve heard all different kinds of explanations for why my students don’t want to get married . . . the root of them all is sin. The truth is we live in a fallen world. Scripture tells us that God is love. And, I firmly believe that those who don’t know Him are unable to love others. No wonder my students are so hard-hearted and willing to deny the existence of love altogether.
Marriage and family life in Taiwan weigh heavy on Lawrance and my hearts. We aren’t sure exactly when or in what manner, but we desire to allow God to use us to minister to the broken and hurting families and loveless singles in Taiwan.
We invite you to join us in praying for us as we seek the Lord’s direction in our lives, as we ask Him for guidance and wisdom in the decisions we are facing right now. Thanks in advance!!
And to those of you who are happily married, I encourage you to be an advocate for marriage. There are four ways off the top of my head I can think of that would be a great way to be an advocate for marriage.
1. We hear so many people griping and complaining about marriage–the very gift extended singles are longing for. We need to also hear validation from those who’ve already been given the gift of marriage that it is indeed a good gift. Of course, this must be done with care and sensitivity–but I don’t think in all the years I longed to be married that seeing couples in love and enjoying their married life ever hurt, not once. It might have increased the desire, but it always served to push me closer to the cross.
2. In addition, you can explicitly encourage those who aren’t longing for marriage, to consider marriage and maintain hope. I had a very sweet friend who was also an extended single that emailed a year into her new marriage and asked me how I was doing in regards to desire for marriage. At that time my desires for marriage were just beginning to surface, her questions and encouragement had perfect timing. Her love story, her love for her marriage, and hearing her say “you know it’s ok to admit you want to get married” were SUCH a blessing.
3. You can also explicitly encourage those who think they are unsuitable to be married for whatever lame lie(s) they are believing, to consider marriage. Just like Corrina did for Lawrance–he thought marriage was a slight possibility for him but a LONG way down the road. He had no idea what God had in store for him. Even if you don’t have someone in mind for that person, I still think challenging that kind of person to reconsider and encouraging them to consider marriage is a good thing. Lawrance would totally agree. ;)
4. Ask for permission to prayerfully “be on the look out” for your single friends, and then don’t be afraid to prayerfully and wisely offer suggestions for matches. Because we are so thankful for what Corrina did for us, we often ask our single Christian friends if it would be ok if we helped them be on the look out. We’ve even tried to set up double date–with permission from both sides, with all parties knowing what’s going on. We’ve not “made a match” yet, but not once has ANY of our single friends said “no, please don’t help me look.”
After writing yesterday’s memory, I just wanted to encourage those of you who are in the midst of extend singleness and longing to get married to consider asking close friends and family for help.
Let them know of your desires to be married, let them pray with you and for you, and let them keep their eyes open too.
The most likely way to find a future marriage partner is through an introduction by family, friends or acquaintances. Despite the romantic notion that people meet and fall in love through chance or fate, the evidence suggests that social networks are important in bringing together individuals of similar interests and backgrounds, especially when it comes to selecting a marriage partner. According to a large-scale national survey of sexuality, almost 60 percent of married people were introduced by family, friends, co-workers or other acquaintances.
I know I didn’t ask and wouldn’t have asked anyone and everyone to help me find a husband. But, if you have godly friends who love you and love the Lord, ask for help. It is not shameful to get help in finding a husband or wife. And, if that is the way God chooses to bring a marriage partner into your life . . . it will be an amazing blessing to both you and to them!
Candice Waters has this to say about giving others criteria for what you are looking for when asking others to “be on the look out for you” as you search for a marriage partner:
. . . the point is that having someone ask questions on your behalf ahead of time can go a long way to saving you embarrassment, guarding your heart and protecting your time.
It’s a concept similar to the pre-screening efforts used in business settings — especially employment placement. It’s simply a matter of helping someone who wants to help you have a better sense of what’s really helpful. Rather than mumbling “ah, great,” when someone says, “I have the perfect person in mind for you!” — especially if that person doesn’t know you that well, or you them — you can feel confident letting them know more about what your hopes are.
If they really want to help you, ask if you can give them more detail — a better sense of what God is revealing to you to look for in a mate. If they’re on board, be willing to let them know what your “must-haves” are (e.g., must be a believer), down to your “nice to haves” (likes to play board games, etc.). Friends and family members who have this kind of information will be empowered to “pre-screen” any potential candidates for you. You’ll be helping them move from good intentions to being an informed advocate.
It’s also a way to remove any sense of obligation you’re tempted to feel when friends and family share leads. What you need are opportunities, not more dead ends. Once they have an objective standard to go by, they can help discern if “good leads” really are.
With some well-informed help from your advisers, and a lot of bold prayer, you’ll be a lot closer to marrying well. . .
Two years ago . . . on January 15, 2008 . . . a very dear friend of ours, had lunch with Lawrance and asked him to consider asking me out. That night he did.
We know that our Loving Heavenly Father is the ultimate matchmaker, but we are BOTH so very grateful to our friend Corrina helping (ok, begging) Lawrance to consider Amanda as a potential partner.
You see, Corrina was special. Unlike many other people I’d share my longings to be married with, Corrina wouldn’t promise me that “one day I’d find someone.” She never spouted out trite phrases in an effort to comfort me and then change the topic. Nor did she, as some actually did, tell me that I was better off single because I had more freedom and could do as I pleased.
Instead, Corrina would look at me and say, “I want you to be married too. Marriage is so good. You’d love it so much.”
She delighted in her own marriage and felt free to share that delight with me a hurting single. It wasn’t bragging. It didn’t hurt me more. In fact, it was truly comforting because she was longing for me right along side me. Empathizing.
After one night of some deep empathy and tears, I openly asked Corrina for help. “If you know anyone who you think might make a good husband for me, please introduce us.”
Her reply that night (Jan. 14, 2008) was “Amanda, I think you need to go to a bigger church. Go out, meet more people.” But that night after I left, her heart was heavy as she prayed to God for me asking for wisdom in how to help her friend.
The next day . . . totally unplanned, she bumped into and then had lunch with Lawrance, and half way through, she suddenly thought “ah ha, it’s you!”
The rest is history. Blissful, beautiful history. :)
Us with Corrina, our matchmaker, after our Taiwanese ceremony
No, no, not another one for us. We’ve already had two–that’s enough for one lifetime! :)
Yu-Hong and Cindy
Lawrance’s brother, Yu-hong and his long time girlfriend, Cindy are tying the knot before this Chinese New Year.
We’ve been encouraging them to get married for a long time–they started dating a few years before us. Within the last week they’ve planned to have their engagement ceremony on Jan 24th and their wedding ceremony Feb 7th. Lawrance’s mom was like “what is up with my sons and their fast weddings?”
We took three months from the time we decided to get married to the time we actually had our wedding; they are doing it in just weeks.
Two major ceremonies in two different cities, hundreds of guests and less than a month of planning! Plus all the other details that must be attended to to make both families happy. Wow . . . I don’t envy them at all. However, I am SO happy they have decided to get married. They make such a great couple.
In fact, Lawrance and I were so confident that one day Cindy would be family that I invited her to be in our Taiwanese wedding even though I didn’t know her very, very well at the time.
Yu-Hong and Cindy at our Taiwanese Wedding
Why the rush for before Chinese New Year? Well, it’s more auspicious. You see odd numbers are bad for marriage–everything should be even (2, 6, 8–but of course not 4, a homophone for death). Even numbers are good for marriage–even numbers symbolize that the two will stay together. After Chinese New Year, Yu-Hong will be considered 29 and Cindy 31. 29 is especially bad (as are all years ending a decade).
There are so many levels of culture to this that would make a non-Taiwanese person’s head spin.
YuHong is actually, right now according to his date of birth and Western counting, 27 (an odd number).
His birthday is Dec 25th. So, he will not be 29 according to his date of birth until Dec 25, 2011.
But, you have to factor in an extra year for time spent in the womb.
Then, you must remember that you get a year older during the Chinese New Year–not on your birthday.
Years ago, I would have thought and thought about this, and the illogicality of it all would have bothered me, but now I think “well, I’m happy for them. Marriage is good.”
The only sad part of this good news is that . . . I won’t be there. I’m leaving a week from today to head back to America for three weeks. So, I’ve instructed Lawrance to take lots of photos for me. :)
Update: Yu-hong and Lawance’s grandmother passed away on Jan 12, so Yu-hong and Cindy’s wedding will be postponed. To counter the “bad luck” of getting married in a bad year, they had to consult with a fortune teller to help them pick a very, very auspicious wedding date. So, the lunar calendar date of Feb 2nd was chosen–2/2–a good day for couples. Ironically this is April 4th–4/4–on the Gregorian calendar. Ironic not in an amusing way, but in a sad way as it reveals just how futile man’s thinking can be.
On Sat. night Lawrance’s mom along with her mom and some of her sisters met with a fortune teller.
Of course high on Lawrance’s mom’s list of things to talk about was the impending marriage of her son.
The fortune teller told her that Lawrance and I would have a very happy marriage. That things would just get better and better. He also predicted that by the end of next year we’d have a daughter–he was afraid to tell her this since most Chinese women want sons before daughters. He wasn’t sure if the daughter would be born by the end of next year or just that we’d be pregnant. He also told her that even though at the beginning of our marriage we’d be tight on money, in a few years it wouldn’t be a problem.
Lawrance asked me to tell you all this so that you can be praying for us.
I might have already told you that Lawrance’s sister saw the two of us together in a vision before she even knew Law had a girlfriend.
There is definite spiritual warfare going on in his family. Please pray for us and for them.
Thanks much, amanda :)
welcome to wuhoo!
Hi! We are Lawrance and Amanda Wu.
We live in Taiwan--a little tea leaf shaped island in Asia.
Amanda is from Texas and Lawrance from Tainan. We met, fell in love and married in 2008.
We both teach English and both love to tell others about Jesus. We also both really enjoy laughing, and we both just happen to enjoy "ching cha," a type of fabulous green tea.
Tomorrow is our second anniversary, and I’m finally getting around to something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. Actually, I’ve wanted to do it since about 1997, when I visited my New Testament professor’s home. He and his wife had their vows hanging up in their kitchen for all to see and for them to remember daily. I thought that was such a neat idea.
Talking about the topic of “marriage” with students here in Taiwan always makes me just a little bit sad.
And to those of you who are happily married, I encourage you to be an advocate for marriage. There are four ways off the top of my head I can think of that would be a great way to be an advocate for marriage.
After writing yesterday’s memory
