Talking about the topic of “marriage” with students here in Taiwan always makes me just a little bit sad.
Most of of my students–male and female–do not want to get married. They claim they have absolutely no desire to get married. I find this SO hard to believe.
As college students in America, I and my classmates/roommates were all about getting married and there was even the “ring by spring or your money back” saying going around, and we were teased and teased others about getting an “MRS. degree.” (By the way, if that was true, I want my money back.) But, maybe even things in America have changed too . . . I don’t know . . . that was 10 or so years ago after all.
Here are some of the things Taiwanese college students (mostly female) are saying about marriage in my classes:
- I don’t believe in love. It’s too good to be true kinda like fairies.
- Marriage just ruins dreams.
- I don’t want to get married because it just “ma fan” (trouble).
- Marriage is the graveyard of love.
- I don’t want to get married because of the “shu foo” (shackles) it places on you.
Every time I talk to students about love and marriage, I leave perplexed and saddened. I at least now grasp their arguments, even if I don’t agree. At first I couldn’t even understand their arguments at all.
It’s sad. And even though I’ve heard all different kinds of explanations for why my students don’t want to get married . . . the root of them all is sin. The truth is we live in a fallen world. Scripture tells us that God is love. And, I firmly believe that those who don’t know Him are unable to love others. No wonder my students are so hard-hearted and willing to deny the existence of love altogether.
Marriage and family life in Taiwan weigh heavy on Lawrance and my hearts. We aren’t sure exactly when or in what manner, but we desire to allow God to use us to minister to the broken and hurting families and loveless singles in Taiwan.
We invite you to join us in praying for us as we seek the Lord’s direction in our lives, as we ask Him for guidance and wisdom in the decisions we are facing right now. Thanks in advance!!
I don’t want to sound cliche here, but this is an excellent opportunity for you to be a positive role model to your students.
Sometimes people need to see what real love can be. You can show them that.
Kevin´s last blog ..parenting milestone
Kevin, not cliche at all . . . and you are TOTALLY correct! Students are watching and wondering about our relationship all the time. Sometimes they ask questions because they observe the difference with their own eyes, and sometimes we get great conversations going because our beliefs about love are so different than theirs.
AND, best of all to me anyway, they wanna know why Lawrance is so different than other Taiwanese men. The answer is–eight years ago He met Christ and he’s not been the same since. PTL!! :D
Hello, Amanda,
I LOVE your blog and many things you mentioned just resonated with my mind. Especially, the message you wrote on this one. I am also a teacher, and many students here don’t believe in a happy marriage life, even my close coworker.
I think that a “shu foo marriage life” is such a
wide-spread thought that Taiwanese have in minds.
I am approaching 27 and I am still waiting for the God appointed one. I know that prayers are powerful and I need them definitely.
Once again, I appreciate your constant encouragement and faithful words on you blog.Way to go!!
Hi Sandy! Nice to meet you!! Thanks for taking the time to make your first comment here! :D
As I read you comment, I prayed for you . . . that God will quickly bring you and your husband together. I’ve experienced the deep longings of desiring marriage before, so I also asked the God of all comfort to make his presence very known to you even right now.
I am assuming you are in Taiwan too . . . where about?
I am a language center staff at a university, called CUST. It is located in Hsinchu county, and it’s close to Nai-Wan old street.
My hometown is actually Taichung.
I got my degree at a university in Arkansas and I spent a few years there after graduating.
Thank you so much for your prayers. It means a lot to me!
blessings,
Sandy
I used to get into the same conversations with my students! One thing that they thought was so odd is that I wasn’t worried about my husband ever cheating on me. They had this idea that all men cheat and that wives shouldn’t trust their husbands. Honestly, I felt sorry for them. My students who were married weren’t very happy in their marriages. What it really comes down to is that they don’t know what marriage is like with Christ in the center. How wonderful that you and Lawrence can be a good example of this for your students!
Now I’m finding that there’s a similar attitude towards having kids. Most of my married students don’t want any children because they feel they’re too much trouble and too expensive (which isn’t true, people MAKE children so much more expensive than they need to be). That’s another bag of worms, though!
Cahleen´s last blog ..I finally have my camera back!
Hi Amanda,
I googled ‘I don’t believe in love anymore’ and came to your blog randomly. As a recent college graduate I have been feeling very negative about life itself but after reading your blogs it encouraged and inspired me to rise up again. Just want to say thank you God for you are a blessing and a wonderful person!
Thank you :)
[...] i don’t believe in love (especially not love and marriage…). (Taiwan) [...]